Why I Disappeared

Parenting, in case you were unaware, is pretty time consuming.  There is a tiny, adorable, curly-headed energy thief either at my feet, on my hip, on my boob, or on my hip and my boob, at all times.  It's somewhat tiring.

I am an introvert.  I actually didn't know this until well into adulthood.  Part of the reason for that is that I didn't actually know what being an introvert meant - like a lot of people, I assumed it meant shy, quiet, maybe withdrawn or socially awkward.  Since I enjoy being around people and am not particularly shy or quiet, I always thought of myself as being somewhat in the middle.  I can be around people, or I can be alone, whatever.

It was a bit of a revelation to discover that it doesn't have much to do with your outward personality, but how you charge your batteries.  Since I've always had ample opportunity for alone time, until I had Felix I never stopped to realize that my alone time was what kept me balanced.  I do enjoy social situations and being around people, but social interactions drain my energy reserves and I need to be alone to recover and recharge.  My husband can attest to my tendency to suddenly and completely withdraw into myself after a social engagement.

Now that I have next to no alone time, it has become painfully apparent how badly I need down time to recharge.  All day, every day, there is someone in my presence who needs something from me, and if I don't get an opportunity to be alone, I cannot function.  At least not pleasantly.

What that means in practice is that I have to be proactive about carving out that time, and using it purposefully when I do get it.  Even though I'm alone at my computer right now, it's an outward flow of energy for me, because I'm putting something out there for other people to see.  All three of you.  This started to feel like an obligation, a commitment, that I didn't have the reserves to maintain.

BUT - maybe eight months was long enough for me to recover and MAYBE I'll start allocating some nap time towards talking about my goings-on.  When I even get nap time, which is becoming more and more rare.  I have now read several books that tell me that children need naps all the way through and beyond toddlerhood, that even school-aged children could use them, and I would love to meet the authors of those books on the street one day.  I will take off my shoes and earrings and we will have a little chat.

I have things to say.