A reluctant note on that TIME piece.

Against my better judgement, I feel compelled to say...something...about this.  I don't know what though. Which train of thought to follow?  That Time wants readers, and putting a hot mom nursing a 3 year old who looks 7 will do it?  That these articles always pit working moms against moms who stay at home?  That attachment parents are always portrayed as extremists for following their gut maternal instincts?  That the misinformation about AP is rampant and arbitrary and completely lacking any basis in fact?

I'm not going to read the article.  I'm not going to read comments on the article (I promise you I've read them all before).  The title alone is enough for me to dismiss it.  But I can't let it go without saying something from my tiny cyber soapbox.


First of all, I will let this HuffPo response do some talking for me: No, I Am Not Mom Enough

I might be taking the bait by even taking the time to write this, but it's too tempting.  I have to.  There is too much gross misinformation flying around for me to ignore.

Attachment parenting is not extreme.  

It is not extreme to nurse a baby whenever he needs to; it is extreme to deny a crying baby food or comfort because it "isn't time yet."
It's not extreme to let a child decide when she no longer needs to nurse; it is extreme to wean early, at some arbitrary age, because "she's too old."
It is not extreme to nurse or comfort a baby at night at any age; it is extreme to allow a child to cry alone.
It is not extreme to sleep with a baby nearby, in the same bed; it is extreme to expect a baby to be independent.
It is not extreme to let your parenting practices be guided by your instincts; it is extreme to allow your practices to be dictated by culturally perpetuated misinformation.  

Attachment parenting is founded not only on maternal instinct, but also on actual science.  Babywearing reduces crying.  Extended breastfeeding is beneficial (or is early weaning is detrimental?).  Breastfeeding mothers get more sleep when they co-sleep.  AP doesn't create insecure, clingy children - quite the opposite.  It builds a foundation of security so that they can be confident and independent.

Felix is not going to nurse until he's 12, he's not going to sleep in the bed until he goes to college, but he is going to be the one to decide when he no longer needs those things.  Because until he does, they are just that - needs.

Attachment parenting is instinctual.  It's what women have done for ages, and what they still do where first-world conveniences, conventional wisdom, and warped value sets haven't displaced biological imperatives.  It's what any mother from any culture would do if she were stranded on a desert island.

Here is a very helpful, myth-busting link:  What AP is Not

The point is: we're not making this shit up.


I don't practice attached parenting to make working mothers feel guilty.  For that matter, working and AP are not mutually exclusive!  I understand that it's a privilege for me to be able to stay at home.  Not all families are afforded that luxury and lots of moms just want to have a job out of the home - but that doesn't mean that you can't be an attached parent.  Working doesn't mean you can't cosleep or breastfeed*, and as mentioned above, cosleeping will make breastfeeding easier because you'll get more sleep.  It doesn't mean you can't use a sling instead of a stroller.  It doesn't mean you can't practice gentle, empathetic parenting.  It doesn't mean you can't look for childcare that is in line with AP principles.

[*working while continuing to breastfeed can be nearly (or actually) impossible depending on the job, but the lack of accommodations for nursing mothers is another issue for another day]

I don't practice AP to out-mom anyone.  Because it is a parenting style that involves more attentiveness than others doesn't mean I'm trying to be SuperMom.  Or maybe I am - but trying to be a good mom by my own standards does not mean I am competing with anyone.  I'm trying to do right by my child.

I don't use an attachment to my child as a substitute for a lack of personal connections with adults, or to mend my own broken childhood.

I'm not a Sears groupie and I didn't choose AP because I read it in a book.  I didn't choose AP at all.

I practice AP it because it feels right.  That there happens to be a massive wealth of literature and centuries of traditional childcare practices to back me up just tells me what I already knew by listening to my instincts.  That AP even happens to be a "style" is coincidental - someone has just stuck a label on what should be nameless second nature.

That's all the energy I'm willing to devote to this discussion right now.  You'll have to excuse me so I can go cuddle my sleeping toddler.